It sounds creepy. However, we are not talking about ghouls, not about cannibals, not about other bloody monsters. The paradox is that life eaters are ordinary people. And quite inconspicuous. Until they open their mouth …
ENEMIES EXTERNAL AND INTERNAL
Time is an irreplaceable resource. The most valuable resource we have. Time cannot be returned; time is our life. And people who devour time are conventionally called "chronophages"; you can think of them as a kind of "psychological vampires" who, as Levy wisely wrote, prolong their lives at the expense of ours.
“So the morning begins.
Alien, like the Brahmaputra river, An acquaintance flies in at twelve.
"You are at home?" Unfortunately, I'm at home.
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In his pocket, sending him a fig, Throwing a german book
And I listen, sluggish and harsh, A set of words I don't need”.
This is the beginning of Sasha Cherny's poem about a hard, barren day in life. The whole day was in vain - it was spent on meaningless communication with numerous acquaintances. And in the evening, the lyrical hero cried out of longing and sadness - he was sad about the mediocre wasted time, about unfinished work, about the rest selected by others … There was depression, in scientific terms. A feeling of devastation, sadness, fatigue, regret about the loss - although the person did not unload the carriages, he simply communicated with good friends on abstract topics. He listened, assented, nodded his head …
Chronophages are also inanimate: these are our own habits, inability to plan time, save it; and external circumstances. The habit of playing computer games or “sitting” in social networks to the point of insanity is our personal internal chronophage, for example. A traffic jam or a queue in a bureaucratic institution is an external chronophage. You can do something about personal habits and addictions, change your life for the better; with external - you have to put up - nothing can be done! But you can take a good book with you in line, listen to an audio recording with English lessons in traffic, that is, at least somehow use the time to your advantage. But with people-chronophages, everything is much more complicated. They do not show obvious aggression, they are even with us in friendly or family relations; they don't say anything bad sometimes,but after communication there is always a feeling of loss of energy, loss of strength, irritation … A feeling as if we were used and taken away something important and necessary, something valuable was deceived - why is that?
PACKAGE LOCKS
But because it is. And it is not without reason that there is an expression: “you steal my time” - the chronophages are doing this. And it is very difficult to resist their manipulations if you are a well-mannered, delicate person, afraid to seem rude and offend someone's feelings. Or, if we are talking about business, about work, it is worth trying to bring clarity and specificity to the relationship with the chronophage, you will be instantly accused of impoliteness and a scandal will be thrown. As if they were waiting and preparing for this scandal - however, it is so.
Chronophage is not going to buy anything from you: neither a product nor a service. He needs something else - your time. And he will ask orally and in writing a hundred questions, demand clarifications, discuss all the details, express doubts, ask to get everything, expand, show, prove, tell - and then he leaves and does not thank. Then he will return when you have already forgotten about it, and will ask you to repeat everything, show it again, expand, clarify … And he will call or write many times, demanding clarifications, although this is not a global deal, but the purchase of a bag of candies. Which chronophage never buy.
A million questions and clarifications usually immediately point to a time-waster who is not at all interested in buying or solving an issue. And the best thing is to immediately ask clearly: “what exactly do you want to buy? What exactly do you want to get? And send a price list if it comes to business. The questions should be answered briefly and clearly, without going into a detailed story and explanations - this is what a chronophage needs. The less time you spend on such communication, the less chances that the chronophage will continue to feed on you. Have written explanations ready and use them. This is the only possible way to communicate with chronophages.
THE SPEAKER IS A DIAGNOSIS
In personal communication, alas, everything is much more complicated. Well, what's wrong with listening to a person (sometimes an acquaintance, or even a relative), chatting on abstract topics or supporting him? What is wrong with someone coming to visit or calling us? Is it difficult to answer a letter or a call? And here you need to pay attention to your reaction - if it's difficult, if you have to overcome something inside, if you have to force yourself to answer, go, listen - it's not without reason. Your entire body is literally rebelling against such communication. Internal reluctance, a barrier, a forced overcoming of oneself is a bright marker of toxic communication with a chronophage.
Chatter is by no means harmless. "Chatterbox", as Gannushkin believed, is a diagnosis. Just like the "intolerable debater." This is a manifestation of some mental pathology. Logodiarrhea is a beautiful word, but it means "verbal diarrhea"; Chronophage suffers from this disorder and forces you to participate in the manifestation of your pathology. Chatter is hidden aggression. It is unbearable to listen to someone else's empty speech, reacting as needed, Chekhov wrote about this very well. And in the depths of his soul, the chronophagus perfectly understands how hard and boring it is for you - but he does not care about it. He does not care about your emotions at all - it is important for him to "feed", gobble up time, and logodiarrhea is a way of feeding. An "intolerable debater" will force you into a pointless argument; there are especially many such people on the net. They can find fault with words or commas from scratch; it does not matter. Important,that they made a "holivar", a scholastic dispute about nothing and feed on your time perfectly, proving from which end it is better to break an egg. An "intolerable debater" is also a manifestation of a pathology of character, and sometimes of a psyche. And after such a dispute it is a pity for the time spent - it was as if we were robbed, robbed … It is better not to enter into such disputes. If you feel that communication is meaningless, that chatter is not interesting, it is better to say: "I beg your pardon, but I have no time to argue."that the chatter is not interesting, it is better to say: "I beg your pardon, but I have no time to argue."that the chatter is not interesting, it is better to say: "I beg your pardon, but I have no time to argue."
We really don't have time to waste; remember the length of life, about such a small number of happy minutes and hours of rest with loved ones - and you will have the strength to interrupt the flow of words.
FAITHFUL KAZIMIR
Prime Minister Stolypin had a family that he loved very much. But due to the large number of visitors, the minister could not devote time to the family - his wife and children practically did not see him. There was no Internet or instant messengers back then; however, network communication takes as much time as before - personal. And the night message in the messenger does not differ essentially from the night knock on the door …
The problem of the Stolypin family was solved by the servant Kazimir. There were several times fewer visitors, the minister was able to streamline the time, find an opportunity to communicate with beloved children; he was even surprised by the change in his schedule and the appearance of free time! And then it turned out that Casimir, who spoke poorly in Russian, silently took some visitors by the shoulders and politely escorted them out the door. He perfectly recognized those who came just like that; for the tenth, twentieth time, to chat, so to speak. The servant's strange behavior scared off many chronophages - before, a visit to someone's house was a common thing. And the hosts had to endure an intrusive guest, sit down at the table, regale them - and come to a semi-faint state with a breakdown and irritation after the departure of such a guest.
The inability to say "no" to the obsessive visitor or the sender of letters does not pass without leaving a trace for our health. Any compulsion is a little death, as Freud said; it is a loss of vital energy. But the chronophage takes this lost energy with pleasure. And this must be remembered. Especially those who do not have a faithful Casimir.
Psychologist Anna Kiryanova