We live in a world of illusion
When you grab onto something, you ruin your life by it - when you grab onto something very tightly, life just stops. Such a thought runs through all the Gospels like a red thread. And people are able to understand it. Understand. However, understand another thing: happiness has nothing to do with mental trepidation and nervous tremors. This is another illusion: to believe that fulfilling desires leads to joy. Desires are capable of generating anxiety and sooner or later turn into a reverse side.
Having suffered a lot, you will realize this. You feed yourself with anxiety and excitement. It's like feeding a racehorse a delicacy - wine and cakes. They don't do that to a racehorse. This is the same thing as a person eating drugs - you do not stuff your stomach with heroin. You need good quality, healthy and nutritious food. Everyone should understand this.
Here is another illusion: a person believes that someone else will do everything for him: some teacher, mentor, or just a savior will come and do everything. Even the most powerful guru cannot do something for you. You have to take care of yourself. There is an amazing saying of St. Augustine: "Jesus Christ was often powerless to do anything for those who listened to him." Or you can recall a beautiful Arabic proverb: garden roses and bog thorns are fed by the same rain. You should act. No one else can help you. Food is assimilated by your body; you must also realize everything. Anyone else is not able to understand something for you. It is up to you personally to seek the truth! No one is able to replace you in this matter. If the subject of your search is the truth, no one can be of use to you.
The next illusion: it is very important that others love you, appreciate and respect you; it is very important to have weight in society. You can often hear that a person has an innate need to be loved and respected by others, that he definitely needs to belong to someone. Not true. Get rid of this illusion and you will find happiness. We have an innate need to be free, there is a need to love - but we have no need to be loved. When conducting psychological seminars, I often face a widespread problem: how can I be happy if no one loves me? Then I ask this question: "Have you never forgotten that no one loves you, and at such moments you never felt that you are happy?" Of course they did.
For example, a woman is watching an exciting comedy. She rolls with laughter and in these blessed moments forgets to remind herself that no one loves her, no one loves her, no one loves her. She is happy! But then the film ended, and her friend - they came to the cinema together - goes home with the young man. Left alone, the woman thinks: “All my friends have fans, but I do not. I'm so unhappy. Nobody loves Me!.
Many of India's poor people dream of a transistor - in India it is a great luxury. “Many have a transistor,” the person says, “but I don't. Oh, I am Unhappy! Until this fever with transistors began, people somehow managed without them. The same thing happens to you. Until you were told that there can be no happiness without love, you were happy. If no one likes you, if no one needs you and no one likes you, you can still be a happy person. You can be happy to be in touch with reality. This is where happiness lies - in constant contact with living reality. This is where you find God and happiness. But most of you are not ready to hear that.
The next illusion: the events of the outside world can hurt you; others can make you suffer. No, they cannot. Only you can give them this power.
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Another illusion: you are the labels that your acquaintances or yourself have put on you. No and no again! Don't cling to them. If someone tells me that I am a genius, and I take these words seriously, I will immediately have great difficulties. Can you guess why? Because from now on I will feel on pins and needles. I will have to not lose my face, I will have to maintain a reputation for genius. After each lecture, I will have to ask the students: “Did you like today's lesson? Do you still consider me a genius? Do you understand?
So take off all the labels! Tear off the labels - become free in the end! Don't identify with them. Labels are what others think of you, how others perceive you at a given time. Are you really a genius? Really a tough nut to crack? Are you a mystic? Crazy? What's the difference, really? None - if only you live consciously, if you live every moment of your existence. How beautifully it is said in the Gospel: "Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow, nor reap, nor collect in barns … Look at the lilies of the field … they neither work nor spin." These are the words of a real mystic, the words of a waking person.
So why worry? Can all your worries put together prolong your life even for a moment? Why worry about tomorrow? Is there life after death? Will I live after I die? Why worry about tomorrow? Dive into today. Someone once said: "Life is what happens to us while we make plans." This is all sad. We must live for today. When you wake up, you will notice that you are truly living in the present day and that you can taste every moment. It is a good sign that you perceive the entire symphony as a whole: you are listening to music and do not feel like stopping it.
Get rid of illusions
So, if you think about it, it becomes clear that, in general, there is nothing to be proud of. What is the conclusion in this case, if we talk about the relationship of people? It depends on what you are complaining about. Here is an offended young man: he was betrayed by his beloved. And what did he expect - something better. When dealing with selfish people, expect the worst. He deified his girlfriend - and found himself a fool. He thought she was a fairy princess, he thought that people were kind. And they are not at all kind. They are evil - just as evil as you are, young man. Angry, do you understand? They are asleep, and you are also asleep. And what do you think they all want? The same as for you - to satisfy your own interests.
You see: no difference. Imagine what freedom it is: you will never again have to be disappointed, you will not have to experience the collapse of hopes and illusions. You will no longer feel betrayed. Or rejected. Want to wake up? Do you want to be happy? Free? Then get rid of illusions. Face it. If you are able to see through yourself, then the souls of other people will be visible to you at a glance. And then you can love your neighbors. Otherwise, your soul will always be crowded with false ideas about the world, unable to withstand the tests of life.
You may be amazed at the fact that all people - with the exception of a very few who are awake - are prone to some type of selfishness. And this indicates that there is no reason for disappointment and cannot be. If you could always face reality openly, you would never be disappointed. But you'd rather look at the world through rose-colored glasses; you prefer not to see people as they are because you don't want to know the truth about yourself. Now you are paying the price.
Let me tell you a case. Once I was asked: what is enlightenment and what is awakening like? It looks like this. Imagine a London tramp walking down the street looking for an overnight stay. He barely begged someone for a crust of bread for dinner, and now he wanders along the Thames embankment. It is drizzling with a fine rain, and the poor fellow is chilly wrapped in pitiful rags. He has already chosen a place for himself to sleep, but suddenly a Rolls-Royce stops right in front of him. A young beauty gets out of the car and addresses the tramp: "Poor my friend, are you going to spend the night here on the embankment?" “Yes,” says the tramp. “It’s no good,” she says. Do you know that we will go with me - a delicious dinner and a soft bed await you in my house."
She seeks his consent. The tramp gets into a Rolls-Royce, and after a while they drive up to a luxurious mansion, around which a magnificent park is laid out. A servant comes out to meet, and a young lady says to him, "James, please take this man to the servants and see to it that he is treated appropriately." James did exactly what the hostess ordered. Going to bed, the young lady remembers her guest. She throws some clothes over her shoulders and silently walks to the rooms where the servants sleep. A narrow streak of light shines from the tramp's room. Knocking softly, the lady opens the door and sees that the guest is awake. “Is something wrong, my friend? the girl asks. - Were you fed badly? "I've never dined so well, ma'am." "Aren't you cold?" "It's not cold at all." “Maybe you're bored alone? she asks."Could you move a little?" Beauty comes closer, he moves and falls into the Thames.
Ha! They did not expect? Enlightenment! Enlightenment! Wake up. Only when you are ready for the illusion to give way to the authentic and the desired to the real; only then will you have a chance to find something real. And only then will your life eventually become meaningful and beautiful.
Anthony de Mello