The Sion restaurant and entertainment complex, located on a separate island in the Mediterranean Sea, thundered with a variety of music and shone with bright lights. It seemed that light and audio waves spread over the sea surface, filling the entire surrounding space.
In one of the VIP rooms, in a cozy company of close friends, Fedor Fedorovich - the head of pharmaceutical corporations - a smart man of about forty in an expensive Italian suit celebrated his birthday. He accepted congratulations and smiled broadly at his guests. Ranging the fork against the glass several times, he said:
- Gentlemen, a moment of attention! I would like to say thank you to everyone who came to my celebration. Today only those with whom we went through fire, water and copper pipes have gathered here. It was your sincere participation and help that ensured the prosperity of my business. And first of all, I would like to mention our television king Ivan Ivanovich. It is thanks to his efforts that people are taught an unhealthy lifestyle through TV channels, and in between these are advertised my miracle cures for all diseases. Special thanks, of course, I would like to say to you, Vasily Vasilyevich, for the contribution of your distilleries to my business, you are just a sponsor of liver cirrhosis!
The audience burst out laughing, and Fyodor Fyodorovich gestured to the guests to listen further and turned to his neighbor:
- Dear, Pyotr Petrovich! - Leaning towards the king of the sex industry, Fyodor Fedorovich said in a sugary voice, - I consider you just my guardian angel, because thanks to the propaganda of a dissolute and immoral lifestyle, we have statistics on sexually transmitted diseases fluttering like a seagull, above all the clouds.
The guests rustled again, and the head of the birthday boy continued:
- And, of course, Uncle Misha! Uncle Misha, please stand up, if it weren't for your food industry - my business would be based only on iodine, greenery and plasters! - Fyodor Fedorovich went up to his guest and put his hand on his shoulder, - no, in fact, gentlemen, if it were not for the suicidal model of nutrition imposed by Uncle Misha, especially for young people, if not for all this fast food, snacks on the go, semi-finished products, flavor enhancers, dyes, tons of sugar in products, if not for the habit of people shoving desserts, cakes, pastries, chocolates into themselves - yes, I would have gone broke!
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- But that's right, gentlemen, - Ivan Ivanovich responded, pricking a pickled mushroom on a fork, - following the ubiquity of McDonald's, KFC, BurgerKings and similar establishments, pharmacies are beginning to flood cities. So we have a successful union of the food and pharmaceutical industries here. First, we teach our clients to eat "right", and then "right" to be treated - so that they always remain our clients!
The guests in the hall laughed again. When the laughter died down, Vasily Vasilyevich's voice rang out:
- Really, gentlemen, these simpletons can be instilled with anything. Why do you think, during the global pandemic, almost all shops, sports grounds and even parks were closed, while my alcohol stores remained open?
- Curious, Vasily Vasilyevich, please share a secret, how did you manage to do this? - said the intrigued birthday man, - I thought that all kinds of epidemics are first of all my clearing, where I can save the whole herd from imminent death, and at the same time cut it well.
- So be it, I will reveal my cards, especially since it was very easy to do everything. We just prescribed in the law that alcoholic beverages are food products, which means that they must be sold in grocery stores! - Vasily Vasilyevich said with a triumphant air. - And as a result, my bookkeeping markets were completely free to operate during the forced isolation of citizens as a distribution point for essential goods! By the way, you have invented an excellent term, Ivan Ivanovich, - "self-isolation", as if citizens were restricting themselves, and not being forced to stay at home. You are generally an expert in linguistic manipulation.
- Thank you for the praise, my dear friend, - said the television king, - just imagine what is going on in the minds of these "self-isolating". You can't go out into the park or the forest to get some fresh air, but you can sit still at home for weeks and poison yourself with alcohol. Allegedly, you will be so healthier! And after all, the majority believe in this - that's what good fear management does with the crowd. By the way, what about the statistics of diseases today?
- The statistics are good. Drug consumption is on the rise, and my pharmaceutical stocks are climbing steadily. And the population, meanwhile, is dying out at a good pace, freeing Mother Earth from its pernicious presence. After all, the planet must be protected, saved from unnecessary people, - the birthday man said in a serious tone.
- Your feelings for the future, Fedor Fedorovich, we certainly share everything, and therefore we are sponsoring many environmental organizations that adhere to our philosophy - Greenpeace, the World Wildlife Fund and others, - Petr Petrovich entered the conversation. - But I wanted to know from you the following: how did you manage to get the governments of all countries to support this whole story with the epidemic?
- Do not exaggerate my merits, Pyotr Petrovich, I was not the only one doing this. But I'll give you a couple of thoughts. After all, we have many biological laboratories around the world, in which we research various viruses, bacteria, and dangerous diseases. Of course, in order to be able to heal people, - Fyodor Fedorovich said with a malicious smile. - But if some important country for us did not fit into this hysteria, then it could suddenly start a real epidemic, large-scale or pinpoint. You know, it so happens that intractable people suddenly fall ill and die, and something similar can happen to an intractable country. In general, the elites of all countries need to be friends with each other, regardless of what they themselves think about this.
- Thank you for the clarification, Fedor Fedorovich, you are right, friendship in our business is very important. In me, to be honest, this issue is also of practical interest, - Pyotr Petrovich shared. - You see, in many countries it is not possible to legalize prostitution, as a result, so many girls are forced to work unofficially, and the same taxes are paid to the budget less. In general, a very sad story!
“Don't worry, Pyotr Petrovich, any problem can be solved, especially in the company of such respected people,” Vasily Vasilyevich entered the conversation again. - Here we need to work not with governments, but with the population, with the mass consciousness. For example, if we are prohibited from advertising alcohol, we begin to advertise non-alcoholic beer, produce kvass or other drinks in alcoholic containers - we even make almost identical labels. After all, the main thing is to evoke the correct association from the consumer, and then he himself will think out in the direction we need - and reach for the alcohol market. And it is imperative to work with a young audience, so to speak, to prepare a client from a young age. Now children's lemonade in beer bottles and cans has begun to be sold, by analogy with children's champagne, all kinds of lollipops with tobacco and so on.
- Vasily Vasilyevich says business, - the birthday man supported his colleague, - pay more attention to people, and they will be drawn to you. For example, we sponsor the filming of high-quality TV shows like House Doctor, so that viewers would look at the protagonist and take an example from him, sit recklessly on pills, and generally associate their health only with chemical medicine. As in that advertisement of Mezim on TV: “I gobbled up to a pain in my stomach - everything is fine, just eat the pill and continue eating!” Fyodor Fedorovich laughed. - It's so simple, you exclude from public access all information about proper nutrition, about cleansing the body, and instead, you intimidate people with bad ecology and teach you to eat a handful of drugs that relieve symptoms for any ailment.
- Friends, I had an idea, - the king of the sex industry Pyotr Petrovich, jumping up from his chair, joyfully exclaimed, - what if we, right from tomorrow, begin to actively advertise condoms, pads and potency enhancers on all TV channels, send out advertising offers popular bloggers, singers - will we regularly and methodically warm up the viewers' thoughts about the "main thing"? Where there are thoughts, there are needs - and where there are needs, there is demand! And if the population has a constantly growing demand for high-quality intimate services, then sooner or later the government will have to meet halfway and legalize brothels. What do you say, Ivan Ivanovich? Support this initiative?
“I’ll say that a company of good people gives rise to good ideas, and our conversation is another confirmation of this,” Ivan Ivanovich said and reached for a bottle with palm trees on the label.
- Ivan Ivanovich, you save me, excuse me, and I will save you, - Pyotr Petrovich started fussyly. - I recently came across information on the Internet that palm oil, which is now commonly added to all food products, is very unhealthy and causes many diseases, you should not eat it, take better olive oil.
- Thank you for your concern, my dear friend, - Ivan Ivanovich said imposingly and continued to fill his salad with oil, - but in general this bottle is worth a pretty decent amount. Do you really think that Uncle Misha would allow himself to feed the rabble with such an expensive product to manufacture, even if it would be really harmful.
“I don’t understand anything,” Pyotr Petrovich spread his hands to the sides, “it turns out that these gatherings of conscious people, because of which we have eternal problems, for once made a mistake and in vain raised a fuss? So is palm oil useful?
- Palm oil is really useful, like most natural products, Uncle Misha intervened, but the point is that in production we use not natural, but synthetic oil, which is a by-product of oil refining and costs a penny. And in order to make consumers eat it better, we called it “palm oil”, and after reading the label, you will never guess what exactly you are going to eat.
- So you are feeding people with oil? - Pyotr Petrovich exclaimed in surprise
- We feed people with real products grown in our gardens and in eco-farms, - said Uncle Misha and gestured around the richly furnished table and everyone sitting at it, - and the rabble can be fed with oil. And you thought why the incidence of oncology and other chronic ailments is growing so rapidly, why the diseases are getting younger? This is a natural consequence of the fact that the chemical industry has entered into a strong symbiosis with the food and pharmaceutical industry, and together they effectively contribute to increasing our profits, reducing costs and redundant population.
At this moment, the speaker's speech was interrupted by a loud bang, followed by another and another - the night sky of the Mediterranean Sea was decorated with thousands of fireworks. Pleasant music sounded again, and the guests continued the celebration, periodically raising glasses of juice in honor of the birthday man and his esteemed friends. The island "Sion", shimmering and inviting, entertained its guests.
Author: Slava Wind
