The manipulator gives you the honor of being his slave. Moreover, your slavery is voluntary. And you do whatever the manipulator wants because you have something to lose. You have been "bribed" with a good attitude or imposed on you such an image that now it is inconvenient not to correspond to it. You simply become a means to achieve other people's goals. The manipulator does the job he needs with your hands. You just ended up in the hands of an experienced trainer
Nothing wrong with that. Who does not sin with manipulation? And who was not a tool in the hands of manipulators? By and large, everyone, consciously or unconsciously, manipulates each other. It's just that different people have different effects. A woman who, expressing resentment, seeks indulgences and gifts, is clearly manipulating a man. Children manipulate their parents, men manipulate their wives, bosses manipulate subordinates, and they manipulate bosses.
But sometimes it gets boring. And not for everyone we are ready to do what he wants. In business, they can be manipulated deliberately and to the detriment of you. Then it is important to know how not to fall into the clutches of manipulators. And how do you recognize them? This knowledge is taught to scouts. After all, in business you also have to be a scout. Let's take a look at one of the textbooks intended for intelligence schools. It summarizes the signs of common manipulation.
Signs by which you can suspect manipulators
1. Interest in the facts of your past experience.
It is very bad if a partner expresses awareness of your plans and promising aspirations. It’s even worse when he knows too much about what exactly you planned from among the failed ventures. The higher the awareness of this kind, the more ready your partner is to manipulate you. Think, why would another person study your plans if not to manipulate you?
2. Increased personal attention to your person.
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An increased interest in the facts of your biography, marital status, hobbies and the manifestation of this awareness is a sign of manipulative interest.
3. Increased interest in philosophical topics.
The various conversations about the "meaning of life" so attractive in a partner feast, in fact, can hide the development of plans to influence you.
4. Topics of personal motivation.
Probing your motivation (why, why, for what purpose, what does it give you?) Is always an exploration of your personality.
5. Flattery.
A clear overestimation of your personal, status, professional qualities and capabilities.
6. The topic of personal orientations.
Translation of the conversation from the topic under discussion to your personal values, orientations, opinions, attitudes, ideals.
7. Dramatization of the situation.
Description of the frightening consequences.
8. Accentuation of time trouble.
The partner urges you on, focuses your attention on the lack of time for deliberation and delays.
9. Appeal to third parties.
10. Persistent desire to do you a favor.
11. Appeal to positive past experience.
"Yes, we did this a thousand times with this and that."
12. References to significant names.
13. Approximation.
Imposing yourself, your environment, any new face.
14. Programming.
The partner is trying to impose on you a vision that is different from yours.
Warning
Only assign the manipulator label to people who use a variety of these techniques. On occasional manifestations, do not conclude that you are being deliberately manipulated. We are all unconsciously trying to manipulate each other.
The manipulator can also be recognized by emotional reactions
1. High stability in your lunges.
A person's tendency to suppress emotional reactions can signal secrecy and duplicity of nature.
2. Artificial humor.
3. "Mirroring".
You smiled, you smiled; you speak at a fast pace, they answer you the same; you crossed your legs, your partner sat down the same way. You are reflected as in a mirror.
4. Whipping up anxiety.
5. Extraordinary reactions.
Reactions, inappropriate situations (for example, one yells at the other during a showdown in over-raised tones).
6. An attempt to disorganize your activity, to put you at a point of bifurcation, that is, at a point of unstable balance.
Manipulation in negotiations
What should you pay attention to in negotiations?
1. On the composition of the brigade.
As soon as you see that the roles in the group of partners are clearly personified and sustained, accept, before you are the artists of the "original genre"! Duets and trios "evil, bad, good" are especially widespread.
2. Starting behavior.
Starting behavior is a homework. You can break it down by counter-manipulation. For example, if your partner is aggressive, then offer to sit on a soft sofa next to you, turn on a soft light. The image of the game disappears. It will not be easy to enter the image in a new way, when the surroundings have changed so unexpectedly. Knocking out of the seat is also suitable for established contact. If the partner has entered the image of "cool", then you can ask about his children. One might ask why he has such cold hands and is there a tingling sensation in his back?
3. For personal appeal.
How attentively and exquisitely does your partner address you?
4. On the style of verbal address.
How much is your partner trying to attack your imagination? In psychology, there is the concept of "fascination", which means "charm", "charm". Fascination can be semantic, when beautiful images, metaphors are used, and acoustic, when the voice is modulated, lowering it, moving on to emotional sound or theatrical recitation.
5. On the technique of listening.
Super-attentive listening, with overt emotional support, can betray either a well-trained listener or a manipulator.
6. On the general impression of the partner.
If your partner made too good an impression on you just because of the behavior towards you, then think about it! Obviously smells like a used manipulative technique.
7. To show distrust to you.
You may be implicitly expressed concerns and mistrust. And that includes subconscious responses. Thus, you can be clearly provoked to the desired actions for the partner.
8. To build and conduct a conversation.
Pay attention to the structure of the conversation:
- how is the conversation guided and pushed?
- how does the topic switch work?
›What is the question balancing act?
Two basic rules of perfect manipulative technique
1. The manipulator works at a subtle level. This is more an appeal to the subconscious than to logic. A high-class manipulator is a man of charm and charm.
2. When decrypting someone else's behavior, be guided by feelings! Even if your mind can be deceived, then in the subconscious, where all kinds of valuable information is cooked, you cannot be deceived. All the more so if you have mastered the "rough" manipulation technique and are always able to consider other people's "pioneer tricks".
The manipulator often behaves the way we would like to be treated. And here only two options are possible. Either in front of you is a person of the highest sincere interest in you (which if it does occur, it is too little and rarely), or you are clearly manipulated, relaxed, bribed, adjusted your behavior to the desired course for yourself.
If you have caught many of these techniques, then just turn on the signal: "Caution!" It won't hurt!