How we want our children to be happy! Sometimes this desire completely blinds us, and we make fatal mistakes in education. One of the most rude is to demand excellent marks in the diary from a child, to say that his future depends on this, or at least a trip to the sea in the summer. It would seem, what is wrong with a child studying well and having a good certificate for entering a university?
So Simple! came across a frank post by Elena Kucherenko, a mother with many children, about why it is so dangerous to demand excellent grades from a child. “When our eldest daughter Varya went to school, I made a terrible mistake, which I still correct. I told her that I was an excellent student and I expect the same from her. We advise everyone to think about it!
Child's grades at school
“Varya studied well, reported on her successes, we were all happy with her grades, we were proud … I didn’t even check her notebooks, let alone look into her electronic diary. But one day I took some of her notebooks, leafed through and saw a three-piece painted over with a pencil.
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"Varya, what's this?" I asked sternly. My daughter began to cry and admitted that she was afraid that I would find out and would scold her. All right, a four, but a three! "You said that I should be an excellent student!"
My daughter was afraid to tell me that something didn't work out for her at school, you know ?! I myself, with my own hands, built this wall of fear and mistrust between us. And what this would ultimately lead to, I would not even venture to imagine, if I hadn't flipped through that ill-fated notebook. To be honest, at that moment I was even confused and did not know what to do. I just hugged her, said that I love her, and asked me never to lie again. And don't be afraid. And she went into another room - to think. And cry."
This is how this woman almost created a barrier between herself and her daughter, but she realized it in time. When we demand something from a child, we need to understand: does he or the parent need it? And each of us understands that it is not the notes in the diary that are important, but knowledge. But for some reason we begin to demand, scold, prohibit. And this, in turn, disrupts the child's psyche and kills the trust between you.
The famous family psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky at his seminars strongly advises parents not to even touch on the topic of school. How a child learns is purely his own business. Better to communicate with him about life instead of subtracting a C in math or literature. It is important that the child himself realizes what is interesting to him and moves in this direction. And I didn’t reread War and Peace again instead of conducting experiments in my favorite physics.
And the worst thing is when the parents themselves were once excellent students, but did not take place in life. They could not find their place and work in a job they do not like, do not visit the places they would like, shop whenever possible, and not at will. And children are forced to study well so that they can achieve something. They simply contradict themselves, because the parental example is important for children, and not just stories and requirements.
After all, look even at your life. Is it really only those who were excellent students in school that took a good position in life? We are sure that among them there are those who drank themselves or work from morning to night, so that there is enough for simple needs.
And among the poor, there are certainly outstanding athletes, businessmen, politicians, models, artists. But it is not uncommon for children to commit suicide, fearing that the oppressive parent would find out about the troika or that they had not entered college.
If your child is worried before each test, and just shakes before the announcement of the results, then by the time of graduation his psyche will already be shattered. And when faced with further life difficulties, he will simply turn into a neurotic. It is one thing when any science is easily given to a child and he learns for his own pleasure, and another thing when it is simply required of him, and even deducted for any mistake.
Do not destroy the personality in your child and not this fear in him since childhood. Be his close friend, not just a parent who feeds, closes and nags forever. If you improve his talents, he will certainly become a successful person in the future, he will not be afraid to get a three out of life, but will confidently follow his dream.
“But the main thing is that I realized that you can't scold for grades. You need to love, help, support, believe in a child, in anyone. And to make him believe in us - in mom and dad. I was not afraid."