I don't know almost anyone who doesn't suffer from stress these days. Stresses are different and they are caused by different reasons.
Today I want to talk about stress, which is the result of our expectations, or our predictions, not aligned with reality.
In order for a forecast to become a reality, it must be based on reality. And for some reason we base our forecasts on ideals.
These ideals were “hammered” into us long ago, and we didn’t even double-check them.
The whole trouble is in these ideals, that we supposedly know how it is right and how it should be.
There are 3 people living in us: a parent, an adult and a child. All our ideals are stored in the parent.
Try to list all of your irritants. Take your time and write about 100 things that annoy you.
- What annoys you?
- If someone annoys you, then write why.
- What exactly annoys you about this person?
- What situations annoy you?
If you think that nothing annoys you, then I recommend that you take a closer look and listen to yourself, your emotions and reactions throughout the day. And you will find that making a list is much easier than you thought at first.
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You can take your time. Nobody will check this list. Except for yourself.
Try to be honest with yourself: write anything that annoys you. After all, it is not at all necessary to try to appear “white and fluffy”. At least for myself.
Then try to double-check your ideals and write a second list: what should be the ideal situation in which nothing annoys you.
Go through each item on the first list and write how it should be.
I am sure you will like the result very much. You will get SUCH a list!
For example, if in the first list you are annoyed with a lie, what should be the ideal?
"Everyone has to be honest."
In the second, just write: "Everyone must …" And list.
This is just to clarify ideals.
And after that I will ask you: "How many minutes could you live in a world where no one lies to anyone?"
Are you ready for the truth? Are you ready to hear what everyone really thinks of you?
Imagine, get on the bus, and two are behind. One: "Eh, now would be …", and the other: "No, she's not my type." You can continue yourself.
Remember the movie with Mel Gibson "What Women Want?"
Can you imagine? How many minutes would you live in such a world? Is that how you wanted it?
We freak out “on the machine” and are outraged that no one follows our ideals.
It is good that these ideals do not exist in real life.
Before you worry so much about where the world is heading, you shake them up, and see WHAT ideals have been shoved into us.
They are so securely crammed into us that we cannot even doubt them.
And when you start looking at them …
This is why I recommend that you make lists. Because without a list, these ideals are almost impossible to pick out. When you write how it should be, such insanity turns out.
We never think about our ideals. One has only to think a little and there will be such a thing!
Look what they have crammed into you.
It is often generally impracticable. Generally! Because half of the ideals contradict each other.
Moreover, we inherited these ideals from our grandparents. And to them, too, from their grandparents. Etc.
Imagine a man standing under a bridge, swearing terribly.
We come up, ask:
He is waiting for the ferry, according to his schedule there should be a ferry.
So, in our ideals there is something that is simply horrible. We did not test these ideals because we were forbidden to do so.
There is no doubt
While we were children, it was impossible.
Now I invite you to doubt.
If the hustle on the bus annoys me. What should I write on the list? What is most important to me that the bus I enter is half empty? More precisely, everyone should give way to me, why is it incomprehensible? This will be true.
Or, for example, someone is poorly dressed. What should be the ideal? Everyone should be dressed to please me. Do you admit this to yourself?
When you write your second list, see what's not yours at all.
Morality is always written by some for others.
This was hammered into us only to make it easier to control us.
Shake up these values, because when you write how it should be, ask yourself: "Why should it be so?"
And the answer will be only one: “Because I want it so! I am the Center of the Earth and the Navel of the Universe."
And then, no matter how disgusting it was, the main thing is to write this second list.
While you are writing about the ideal, are you formulating it? Your brain will be from everywhere, like a computer, to erase this ideal and delete.
And you won't freak out on this anymore.
No matter how disgusting it is - write.
Paradox! But it works so well. You will look into the insanity that they have crammed into you … And we still use it.
Get it out of your head, this insanity is not yours.
Good luck friends!
Author: Alexey Kapranov