The majestic Carpathian mountains, generously strewn with silver, sparkled in the midday sun and shimmered with all the colors of the rainbow. The pre-New Year bustle in the small resort town was in full swing. The burning frosty air tickled the nostrils, and the aromas of fir trees and tangerines, the fragrance of which was felt at every step, reminded of the imminent approach of the holiday. In a small house on the outskirts, with a low roof sprinkled with white fluff, three tourists were talking quietly under the lulling crackle of the fireplace.
- Hmmm, gentlemen. I look at all this madness and am amazed at how easy it is to force people to suddenly increase their consumption just because the day is marked in red on the calendar,”Vasily Vasilyevich, the head of alcohol corporations, stretched out his hands to the fireplace.
- What you call “simple” is actually the result of the work of a whole army of marketers and psychologists. We specially train and educate them so that they get used to thinking only about their personal interests and never assess the consequences of their labors on the scale of the whole society,”Ivan Ivanovich, the King of Television, whose face was hidden by the half-darkness of the room, responded from a far corner.
- Yes, marketers are one of our main tools, on the barrel of which is written: "It's nothing personal, it's just business." By the way, it was they who advised me to start the production of children's champagne and add toy departments to my alcohol stores "Red and White". What could be more wonderful and reliable than teaching children the correct alcoholic rituals from a very young age! - Vasily Vasilyevich said with fire in his eyes.
- The right choice of a free person must be correctly programmed, on this, as I understand it, the whole system of modern democracy is built, - Uncle Misha, the head of food corporations, joined in the conversation.
- Not only the system of democracy, but also the system of soldering, and the system of nutrition, and the system of corruption, and much more. But let's not talk about politics at least today, the New Year, after all, I want something festive, - the alcoholic king, who especially appreciated these days off, tried to redirect the conversation.
- You will have a holiday, Vasily Vasilyevich, when in two weeks you will look through the statistics of your income, - Ivan Ivanovich quipped, - but you really don't want to talk about politics. Let me show you one new scheme with which we will double the number of goods sold this year?
- It would be interesting to hear, is it really possible? - The TV tycoon's interlocutors answered almost in unison.
Promotional video:
- When the attention of millions of people is in your hands, then, believe me, absolutely everything is possible! My marketers recently came up with a new trick to get parents to buy even more gifts for their children. We are launching a new toy on the market and launching a large-scale advertising campaign aimed at a children's audience. But before the New Year, only trial lots will arrive in our stores.
- And what's the point? We spent money on advertising, but did not sell the product! - Uncle Misha, accustomed to being careful with money, said with sincere amazement.
- Uncle Misha, your goods are always stale, and in your chain supermarkets you either re-stick the tags or open the ready-made food departments in order to give the products that are starting to go out again. And we sell everything, - answered the television king.
- We are just very thrifty and try not to throw anything away, - uncle Misha commented modestly, who was not too fond of discussing internal technological processes of increasing the profitability of his business.
- And yet, Ivan Ivanovich, what is the meaning of this scheme? - hastened his interlocutor Vasily Vasilievich, who was seriously interested in this topic.
- It's simple, friends! Seeing our advertising everywhere, children begin to ask their parents to give them this particular toy for the New Year. Those, naturally, promise them to buy such a gift and go to our shops, hoping to make their offspring happy. But the right gift is not naturally found there, because it will be delivered only at the beginning of January. But on New Year's Day you can't go without a gift! As a result, they buy something different for their children. But the children no longer need anything else - try to explain to your child why Santa Claus could not find the right gift. And when in the first days of January we deliver large quantities of those same toys to all our stores, then the parents have no choice but to go and fulfill their promise! - The television King happily finished describing the technique.
- Bravo, Ivan Ivanovich! This scheme in its scale and beauty is comparable to the technology of popularizing champagne for the New Year, you really surprised me,”Vasily Vasilyevich said enthusiastically.
- Yes, indeed, it is beautiful: someone has a spoiled New Year, and someone has a double profit. The only thing I ask you not to forget is that Santa Claus no longer exists today, and by our joint efforts, a kind fat Santa Claus with a bottle of Coca-Cola under his arm came to replace him, ” Uncle Misha remarked busily. - By the way, what about champagne for the New Year? Isn't this an original folk tradition?
- The original folk tradition is to live soberly, only this information is for internal use, - Vasily Vasilyevich said with steel intonations in his voice, but then he smiled and continued, - and champagne appeared in the life of the masses quite recently and, I would even say, instantly … You, Ivan Ivanovich, didn't you tell Uncle Misha about this wonderful information operation? I thought everyone knew such a classic.
- No, we try not to expand on this once again, although, of course, Uncle Misha should be told, these technologies will certainly be useful to him, too, Ivan Ivanovich answered dryly.
- Friends, well, do not wind up intrigue, tell us already! - said the king of the food industry with passion.
- Okay, but not much to tell. The tradition of using champagne for the New Year was introduced en masse only after one very successful film called "Carnival Night". It was in it for the first time that champagne received such a powerful advertisement that since 1956 everyone suddenly needed it at once, before that, in fact, few people knew about it. Of the 74 minutes of airtime, it appears there in the frame for more than 15 minutes. And there is not a single teetotal hero in the film. Actually, judging by the amount of screen time, it is champagne that is the main positive character of the film, - said Vasily Vasilyevich, laughed and pulled on the lines of the familiar song: “Five minutes, five minutes …
“Since then, of course, we have been impeccably maintaining the given standards,” Ivan Ivanovich continued his story. - A week before the New Year, we launch on TV a series of programs on how to drink alcohol correctly in order to sit longer at the table and not suffer from a strong hangover the next day. Viewers think that such programs are being filmed to help them, and do not even realize that their main message is completely different: "Get sick!" Believe it or not, we even insert such stories into news releases!
- Ivan Ivanovich, we know well enough and appreciate your abilities, therefore we always believe in your words, - flattered Vasily Vasilyevich, whose business could develop successfully only due to the fact that the theory of "cultural drinking" was systematically promoted on television and the ban on covering the topic of sobriety was supported …
- Well, in the New Year itself, the audience is offered the brightest show - countless "New Year's lights", in which bottles and glasses simply do not disappear from the screens, obscuring the countless silicone smiles of our priceless stars of show business.
- “Come on swords glasses on the table;
Come on swords glasses on the table
And other dishes.
Everyone says you can't drink
Everyone says you can't drink;
Everyone says you can't drink
And I say that I will,”Ivan Ivanovich sang happily, who usually was not inclined to such impromptu.
- Yes, I especially like this song performed by Grigory Leps. He sings it right so incendiary on New Year's, it's not in vain that we have taken him under our wing for several years now, and we additionally pay him every such exit, ” said Vasily Vasilyevich, noting the importance of individual work in his case.
- Although I am not such a specialist in this topic, I understand that it is champagne, by its properties, that is the main entry point into the alcohol program for women and children. And it is doubly gratifying that you were able to associate this poison with one of the most significant holidays for a Russian person,”the food magnate remarked busily. “However, I would like to draw your attention to the fact that lately people are more and more opposed to your" New Year's lights ", they write petitions, demanding to remove the boring faces from the screens.
- You are right about that, Uncle Misha. And I'll tell you that you need to listen to the opinion of the people, to be honest, I myself am sick of all these Galkins, Pugachevs, Kirkorovs and so on. They demand to remove these annoying faces - we will remove them! And we will put someone younger and more modern in their place, we have countless of them: conveyor shows in the style of "Star Factory" and "Voice" for the search and training of the necessary personnel are working properly. Therefore, there will be new singers for the people, the main thing is that they sang about the same thing, behave in the same obscene manner, and so that their faces still flicker between the rows of bottles and glasses, - the television king returned to a business tone.
- And I remember how we successfully worked on this back in the days of the Soviet Union. How we then promoted this "Irony of Fate" to the masses. We still play it on all channels on New Year's Eve. And what is the message of the film? Drink to unconsciousness, have fun, take a walk - you will find yourself in a funny funny situation and even meet your love. Well, on the example of the image of Hippolytus, we also advanced a very convenient concept: “Difficulties in life? Has the bride abandoned? There is a solution - get drunk to unconsciousness. " And after all, viewers who grew up on such films do just that in their lives. For our wards, a bottle is the first remedy for any life difficulties, - said Vasily Vasilyevich, looking at the embers in the fireplace.
- Returning to our topic of “freedom of choice”, we add that for the majority of TV viewers today it looks like this. Joy? - Fuck! Celebration? - Fuck! Grief? - Fuck! Wedding? - Fuck! Wake? - Fuck! Birthday? - Fuck! Boring? - Fuck! Is it sad? - Fuck! Fun? - Fuck! We have not left them virtually a single life situation in which the use of alcoholic poison would not be relevant. Why, gentlemen - even your own death is the reason for ritual self-poisoning! A glass of vodka is placed on the grave of the deceased. This is an amazing phenomenon. In Russia, almost every third person now dies from vodka or the consequences of its use, and relatives - they put another glass on his grave, - said the television King.
- Yes, everything is well built, Ivan Ivanovich. Maybe I don't know something else? Maybe Olivier salad or the tradition of decorating a Christmas tree appeared with your participation?
- No, we have nothing to do with it, we just support some tendencies, not create. And as for Olivier, is it more likely your patrimony, Uncle Misha, as far as I understand, since sausage and mayonnaise have turned from food into chemical products, salad Olivier is also gradually moving into the category of dishes of mass destruction?
But Uncle Misha ignored this phrase, looking at something businesslike in the monitor:
“Gentlemen, this is a must see,” said the food tycoon, nodding his head towards the laptop on his lap.
Both Kings got up and walked over to their excited colleague. The numbers on the monitor were changing at a breakneck speed.
- What is it? - asked Ivan Ivanovich.
- This is the receipt of funds to our bank accounts. This is the first time I've seen such a speed and such numbers, - answered Uncle Misha.
- Yes, this New Year was especially successful. Good hamsters made New Year's gifts for us, - Ivan Ivanovich grinned and, wrapping his white scarf around his neck tighter, went to the window.
Outside the window, dozens of people walked down the street with Christmas trees and bags filled to the brim with goods from nearby stores.
- What's there? - Vasily Vasilievich went up to Ivan Ivanovich and also looked out the window.
- Presents. Hamsters bring us gifts,”the TV King smiled and drew the curtains.