Finding your way, finding out your place in life - that's all for a person, it means for him to become himself.
Vissarion Grigorievich Belinsky.
It seems that the most common question we constantly ask ourselves is: can I call myself a happy person? I'm happy? This question haunts us every day as we go through life. It seems to be a question that is fundamental to the understanding of what it means to be human.
However, psychology says that this question prevents us from finding meaning in life. In a survey based on happiness, only a quarter of people surveyed reported feeling happy. The rest consider themselves unhappy.
In an era when we are constantly encouraged to assess our position in the world and, therefore, how we feel about it, the search for happiness becomes not only tedious but also discouraging. Self-reflection becomes a forced part of our culture, prompting us to reevaluate our otherwise impeccable jobs, personal relationships, homes and lives. And the results are often not very flattering.
If you want to find meaning in life, you need to stop looking for happiness. In this article, we have collected 3 main pillars of finding meaning in life. They call for an end to the fruitless pursuit of happiness and focus on these basic principles.
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The problem is finding happiness
As practice shows and the statistics of psychological tests confirm, an active search for happiness leads only to a feeling of unhappiness.
One psychological project study was titled “Can the pursuit of happiness make people unhappy? Paradoxical Consequences of Happiness Assessment”. Two studies have been carried out under this umbrella:
In Study # 1, female participants who wanted to experience feelings of happiness reported lower levels of happiness in the absence of life stress.
In a second study, participants in a different group who were also looking for happiness responded less positively to a happy emotional situation. Their level of happiness was influenced by the expectation of happiness. The researchers came to the following conclusion:
Here's the key point:
The pursuit of happiness leads to disappointment when experiences don't live up to expectations. Therefore, even if your life is changing for the better, the pursuit of happiness contributes to a sense of hopelessness and loneliness.
Solution to the problem
The solution, as one psychologist argues, is not to pursue happiness, but directly in life. People who do this turn out to be more positive in life, acquiring a better attitude towards everything they do - from entertainment to work. You just need to live and try to enjoy everything that happens around. In other words, you need to look for the positive in everything that surrounds us.
At the same time, finding positive things can be as daunting as finding happiness, the researchers say there are significant differences between the two. So, as mentioned earlier, you need to give up the pursuit of happiness and find meaning in life. Awareness of the meaning of life comes down to three main stages. Let's consider them below.
Pillar 1: Control Your Perception of Life
The problem with finding happiness is that quite often we don't find it. We sit down and reflect. This process of thinking creates an expectation of happiness. Then we realize that we are not as happy as we would like, and we retreat when we are defeated.
The pursuit of meaning in life creates a different experience. It forces you to look beyond the current situation of your life and connect with the big picture of being. Feeling that connection makes it easier to experience ups and downs. You become less sensitive to the blows of fate between moments of happiness. Feeling a little detached (which is completely natural), you no longer have the same feelings of despair that you may have in the past.
Finding a way to find meaning in life without focusing on whether you are currently happy allows you to find a solution that is not time-bound. Instead, you look beyond what you are feeling, knowing full well that what you are experiencing now does not define your entire existence.
Pillar 2: Surround Yourself with Love
The greatest experiences of love are about our actions, not our feelings. When you are loving to the people around you, feelings will naturally arise over time. Love is like happiness. The pursuit of love is often counterproductive to the experience itself.
You can use these ideas to find meaning in your life by actively developing good relationships in your life. You can surround yourself with people who are your like-minded people.
You see, we often feel lonely and unhappy because our existence in the universe does not affect the common good. However, we can create social cells that will include people of our choice. With family, for example. Or with friends. In a word, with loved ones. By surrounding yourself with people who sincerely love you, you can understand that your existence is not an empty sound, it is filled with people around you.
Pillar 3: Set a Goal
Psychologist Justin Brown has written a fantastic article on how to find your purpose in life. Disclosing your purpose will help you articulate the meaning of your life. Brown explains that the traditional approach to targeting gets it all wrong. The goal is supposed to be something to strive for in the future.
In fact, your goal already exists and stems from your values and how you communicate with the people around you. Brown has compiled 8 questions to help you find your purpose in life.
These questions focus on the purpose and meaning of what is in the future and what you are already dreaming of right now. You see, most people expect purpose to appear in their life. But you already have it! It is only important to learn to recognize it.
You can find your purpose in work, because through your activities you can contribute to the development of society. On the other hand, looking for other channels that can help our self-affirmation and psychological satisfaction help us find the right direction in life.
The goal is to find meaning in things that are not tied to the end result. The work may end. Relationships can disappear. Money can disappear. What remains when everything else falls apart is your sense of purpose, and no one can take that away from you.