Mom is the whole world
Never tell a child: "Then I will not love you." This also includes phrases: "I wish I hadn't given birth to you", "You are one punishment (losses)", "I don't need you like that!" etc. These phrases evoke fear of death. Why? Because the second after the fear of death is the fear of being expelled, thrown out, separated, and hence dying. A child alone will not survive in the world. And the mother is the whole world for the child. First, we communicate with her as with the whole world, and then, already growing up, we begin to communicate with the world, as with a mother, proving that we are worthy of her love, acceptance, and life next to her.
I often tell my children about love, they are me too. I often tell them how important they are to me, that my life has become much better and more interesting since their birth. Sometimes they themselves ask for it, starting: “Mom, is it really good that you gave birth to me? If I was not there, who would help you …. (further there is a listing of their need)?"
Don't push your child away
Do not push your child away when he climbs into his arms, cuddle, kiss. For me there is no question - to accustom or not to accustom the child to hands? Bodily contact is very important, even for an adult. And the child needs it like air.
My mom dismissed me with the words: "Go away with your calf tenderness, you are already big" And petting with dad was forbidden from a very early age. The maximum is to sit on your knees. Until now, I keep my physical distance from people very tough, but if I get to caress, then I am insatiable. I was able to hug my mother only three or four years ago. Like telling her that I love her. And I deliberately worked on this. Up to this point, it seemed to me that it was unrealistic.
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Never doubt your child
Never doubt your child's goodness. Believe in him. Whoever says anything, whatever your eyes see - first find out everything from him, understand why he did something or did not do something. But always, in everything, mean that he is initially light and all his thoughts are pure. And if you see obvious evil, then imply that he did it for good reasons that are involved in a sense of self-preservation. We must look at the child through the eyes of God. The word "love" is the People of God who are Leading, that is, who look at each other as perfection.
In childhood, there were many cases when my mother doubted me and talked to me like some kind of monster. I felt very bad at such moments. She did not hear me, she had already decided everything for herself who I was and what to do with me. And I felt that I was betrayed. Doubted. Where there is fear, there is no faith. And where there is no faith, there is no love.
Do not continue to quarrel and do not hold grudges
Do not continue to quarrel or hold grudges against each other for more than 30 minutes. The person next to us is most valuable of all that we prove to each other. You have to put up quickly. Because everything is nonsense. Under no circumstances should you "boycott" your child. My mother could keep ignoring me for days, seeking my humiliation, tears and begging to admit that I exist. At such moments, the child feels like nothing, nothing. Due to the fact that he lives quickly, he no longer remembers the beginning of the conflict, who is right and who is wrong.
Don't go to bed if your soul is bad
Do not go to sleep if there is something bad in your soul. There is no worse, when you are lying in childhood, all alone, after the shout "Go to sleep!" with a bunch of thoughts, and tomorrow is scary with its uncertainty, because you drag all the trash into it. It is imperative to say goodbye to each other for the night, letting go of all the bad things that happened in the day, and taking only the good the next day.
Sleep is a little death. Night divides our life into many small lives. The boys and I no longer have such rituals that are important for a small child. But to say goodbye, hug each other and say something warm, to say everything that worries, to dream is a must.
You can't start a child's morning with the words: “Are you going to get up or not? How long can you wake you up! ", While pulling off the blanket
For me, awakening has always been very important. As I wake up, the day will go. I know how important it is to "meet" from a dream. You seem to be born. And the mother sees off to sleep and meets from sleep in childhood. It is from these little things that the feeling of the stability of physical reality is formed. Or, to put it simply: "Everything will be fine!"
My youngest is a lark and gets up before me. He wakes up and lies in bed for a while. Then he comes running to me, kisses and goes about his business. The elder is a sleepyhead like me, so I wake him up for breakfast. I sit down to him on the edge of the bed and begin to say something funny. He smiles before opening his eyes. Then he stretches and wishes me good morning. Sometimes he, waking up, waits for me to go to wake him up without getting up. No, when he needs to get up early, he wakes up himself and wakes me up, already dressed and washed. Wakes up carefully. She taught.
To see off and meet on the doorstep To
see off to the doorstep and meet on the doorstep when you come. The feeling of home, like a fortress, in which you are always expected and loved, should be in every person.
Never put material things above a child
Here I am talking about tantrums about a broken cup or torn pants. My mother was convinced that by scolding me for a spoiled thing, she instilled in me frugality. She didn’t instill anything except understanding that I was not important to her. Since then I have decided that in my world people will be more important than things, no matter how much these things are worth and no matter how memorable they are. Frugality comes either when it matters to you, or when the joy of another person is important to you. But not swearing.
There are also points that I learned from my mother.
- Talk honestly with your child, on all topics and call things by their proper names
- Asking children for their views on issues that affect their lives
- Observe personal space, namely: do not read letters, correspondence, sms, do not listen to conversations and do not ask what he does not want to say, if it does not concern life and safety
Of course, there are exceptions to these rules.
Author: Elizaveta Kolobova