Scientists from the Institute of Psychology of the Russian Academy of Sciences conducted a study: they decided to find out whether our behavior and our psychological makeup have changed over the past thirty years. A very unsightly picture emerged: we became three times more aggressive and rougher …
We are not all like that
Well, not all, of course, became boors. But this is the general tendency: the degree of aggression in society has increased. Not for nothing, according to statistics, the number of grave crimes and murders is growing every year … In this respect, we have surpassed the United States twice, let alone old Europe, at five!
The most frightening thing is that about 80% of murders are committed in our country for no reason - in a state of spontaneous aggressiveness. So why did we become so angry?
It is usually explained as follows: the majority of compatriots have become more conflict, because we live in an unstable environment and in a situation of outrageous inequality of property. So, they say, in the Soviet Union, the overwhelming majority of the country's inhabitants had approximately the same wealth, so there was no envy and people were kinder - there was nothing to share. But, dear friends, it is difficult to imagine that life in India is more stable, and in fact its population is considered one of the friendliest in the world. Or, say, the Thais have a higher standard of living? They live on $ 20 a month! And yet they are called "the people-smile."
Of course, in the 1990s we had a very powerful fracture, shock therapy, but, thank God, twenty years have passed! The crisis is a crisis, but why, as the classic used to say, to break chairs.
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Kindness is the key to health
Another indicator is even more terrible: in proportion to the increase in aggression, people's readiness for sympathy decreases - we are not able to regret. That's what's awful. We are used to walking over corpses. Success at any cost is our main driver. And young people are especially susceptible to this "mental illness". It is not surprising: those who were born at the end of epochs grew up and began to enter an independent life, and they gained wisdom in the 1990s, when education, culture, even families were bursting at the seams - under the pressure of new economic conditions …
These people do not know how to cope with their own emotions, they do not even have a basic idea of decent behavior in society, and they very easily take out their anger on others. And their dissatisfaction is constantly boiling: they do not like power, laws, work, financial situation, prices … They do not realize that the cause of all problems is within them.
But I would say that this is not aggression. The word "anger" is more appropriate here. Because aggression is a healthy beginning on which primitive society stood. It is intended for self-defense, to protect its territory and offspring, to succeed in hunting a mammoth and in the fight for a female … Aggression is a necessary element of survival, procreation. But our distant ancestors, who walked in mammoth skins, used it sparingly: when it came to protecting life.
Or in ritual forms: threatening sounds and postures, power struggle without causing serious injury, marking the territory with signs … But what are we doing ?! We shoot at each other because of the dented bumper! Schoolchildren are killing teachers because of an unfair four. Neighbors cut each other because of the noise of the drill! In the language of specialists, this is called "a regular inadequate emotional reaction to circumstances caused by trauma." That is, our rabies over little things is a diagnosis. We're going crazy.
Coward with a club
And natural healthy aggression is given to us to defend our boundaries when someone violates them. To save my family. To be indignant when they do lawlessness. She also encourages us to refuse to fulfill the stupid demands of the boss, the official, the authorities. But after that one should not go out into the street with a club, but write a complaint, file a lawsuit, finally.
And then it turns out that in our "vertical society" this is almost impossible. The very procedures by which the assertion of one's rights is going, if any, are very vague and cumbersome. To sue the abuser? But this is such red tape! And if the trial does take place, what are my chances of winning it - with our justice?
And then we bring resentment or anger down. This is one of the most common mistakes - translating aggression “vertically”. That is, having received a boorish scolding from the authorities, be rude to a subordinate. After listening to the teacher's attacks, give it to a classmate in the eye. Having quarreled with her husband, beat the child. Another way to “drain” aggression is to redirect it horizontally. Simply put, to be angry at everyone around, at anyone and everyone who, willingly or unwillingly, will stand up.
There are, of course, disadvantages: if you constantly throw yourself at anyone, you will quickly gain a reputation as a person with a bad character. So it is better to be angry not at everyone, but at “others”: by convictions, skin color, religion, sexual preferences, occupations, and so on …
But in both the first and second cases, the reason for everything is deep and serious: disbelief in one's own strength, the consciousness of one's cowardice, contempt and self-hatred. And to the rest. After all, incapable of self-defense the whole world seems alien and dangerous. In order not to feel humiliated in him, people use aggression as a way to try on the role of a winner at least for a while, to feel their superiority.
Yes, oddly enough, anger at others is usually thrown out by someone who does not know how to stand up for himself in a civilized manner. She is afraid to say: “I do not agree, it doesn’t suit me”, does not dare to argue - with the boss, wife or parents.
Angry by the law
Have you noticed that crowds at protest rallies are much more friendly, polite and cheerful than crowds on the subway at rush hour? Because these people are trying to learn a civilized way to express their aggression directly to the address, and not to others.
We live in an aggressive environment where everyone survives as best he can. But we are not evil - we are unhappy. Our psyche simply cannot withstand the rhythm of a big city, the eternal rush, hustle and bustle and uncomfortable proximity of other people's energy - in the subway, in shops, on the roads. Hence the constant, chronic stress, and hence the desire to somehow relieve tremendous tension, let off steam.
This is how we are made: negative energy spontaneously and continuously accumulates inside us. But this energy breaks out only when we feel bad: in response to irritating factors.
And yet, the main "instigator" of aggression is not external circumstances, but the displeasure we experience, unpleasant feelings: pain, hunger, jealousy …
But anger is contagious, have you noticed? Other people's emotions do not stick to a mentally mature person, he understands that if his boss yells at him (husband, mother, wife, passer-by), this does not apply to him personally. Any of us can be dissatisfied, irritated, angry - we are real people, but getting rid of anger without harming anyone is the main human skill. And it is given by education.
Mental maturity does not at all imply that it is imperative to press, extinguish negative energy and aggressive impulses in oneself. In no case. Aggression directed inward is even more destructive. Any negative emotion must be properly worked out - released. But not just to the world, but to some object. Remember how the wise Japanese put stuffed bosses in the gyms of their firms? Here's something like that and we need to come up with.
But the main thing that needs to be done in situations when boiling aggressive energy is about to spill out is to realize your state, to take it under control. To do this, at the most acute moment, try to describe your physical sensations: the body tensed, hands clenched into fists, lips tremble … While you are choosing expressions, calm down.
So what can we do with the aggressive environment? How to react to boors and psychos? Any psychologist will tell you: what a person is - this is how he sees the world. If I notice only anger, envy, indifference, aggression around me, then it is in me. That is, changes in the external world always begin with changes in oneself. To reduce the number of aggressive and embittered personalities around, it is necessary to show politeness and cordiality more often. Just smile at least. Let's try?
Igor Istomin