What is a good person? The question is not really idle and very confusing.
At first glance, this question may even seem naive and childish, but not for those adults who use it in their self-destructive psychological mind games.
From time to time you can hear "I am a good man" or "He is a good man." A completely natural question arises, who is he? Who is a good person?
To begin with, I surfed the Internet a little and collected quite a few signs by which the audience classifies a person as a good type (let's call it that).
Thus, I got the following selection:
A good person is:
- kind
- Reliable
- Unhypocritical
- Smart
- Decent
- Original
- Doing good (helping)
- Doing no harm to his neighbor
- Honest
It is probably implied that sincerity and selflessness should be important attributes of a good person. That is, a good type of person should be good just by itself - and not expect rewards for being good.
In principle, everything is clear - in every society there is a certain set of qualities encouraged by the prevailing morality. In our secular society, it is largely associated with the biblical commandments. It seems that the roots grow from there. And this is absolutely normal. It is also clear that in another society, the set of signs of a good person may differ significantly. The cannibals, perhaps, have a good person - who ate the heart of a freshly killed enemy for dinner.
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A good person in our society
Apparently, the very concept of a good person must exist. Of course, there is a philosophical category that easily disputes this position - it sounds something like that "there are no good or bad people." In addition, a lot depends on the particular person who is the appraiser and his assessments may vary. But in spite of everything, the concept of good and bad, good and evil exists in society. They are very important because they help to cement it, while the installation to eliminate them deprives people of moral guidelines and serves the purpose of the collapse of social values, undermining the very foundation of society and turning it simply into a crowd of people incapable of self-organization. That is, it can be called degradation, a return to the animal state.
Everything is relative
Basically, good and bad people are really relative concepts. And there is also an awareness of this. A person who has realized the relativity of these categories, by his next step, makes a choice - whether to join these categories voluntarily or to renounce them. To renounce is to live by your own rules. To accept is to stay in this paradigm and be understanding.
It is quite difficult to renounce even with awareness. These values are instilled from childhood and it is difficult to dismiss them. The problem is that now we are witnessing the destruction of these very values with the complete inaction of the state and a huge number of examples of people who are giving the appropriate pattern of behavior. As a result, being a bad “person” becomes at least profitable. In the medium term, this naturally arouses the envy of "good" people who become uncomfortable in such an environment and try to change sides.
There is an opinion that all the troubles and injustices of this world are poured on a good person. That it is hard for him to live and have to suffer a lot. It is appropriate to remind here that a good person is just good and does not seek additional bonuses. And this does not mean at all that he has no place in this world. A certain flexibility in behavior helps to remain committed to his ideals (while he really considers them as such) and to be successful. A good type of person does not imply bone, nor can it be adaptive.
A good person at a psychologist's appointment
But there is an extremely interesting kind of a good person from the point of view of psychology. Namely, a person who considers himself good. I cannot say that in my work as a psychologist I constantly encounter it, but this is definitely not a rarity.
When I talk about a person who considers himself good, I mean that in accordance with the formulated criteria, this is far from always true.
The most interesting thing is that a significant part of such people are sure that they should have certain bonuses from this. There are two main positions here - aggressive with indignation that there are no such bonuses, and humble - which, alas, no.
This is how it sounds. And this is already a serious problem for the psyche. Such an attitude is extremely difficult to live with. The tragedy usually lies in the fact that goodness in this case is a mask that is extremely difficult to throw off. Can you hate your parents and be good? Can you be good and cheat on your wife? And a million more "Is it possible …".
If you take off the mask, then everything will change. And it would be okay to change, otherwise it will change so that it does not seem a little. In fact, a person, already in adulthood, will have to rebuild his picture of the world anew and integrate into it in some way. The illusion of oneself will subside and a person can face reality very harshly. Therefore, such changes must be carried out very carefully and gradually. The psyche can simply not stand it (depending on the severity of the case, of course) and build an equally dysfunctional illusion. For example, his own omnipotence and permissiveness that has broken through, bordering on a psychiatric case.
What's under the mask?
So what can be under the guise of a good person? For example, the feeling of one's own insignificance, which does not allow a person to achieve something in society.
Or, for example, colossal anxiety and uncertainty associated with the desire to be significant and represent something in this world and, for one reason or another, is not able to be realized.
These may be dysfunctional attitudes, according to which one should be good for everyone (as a rule, they come from the parents - and they, for example, from fear for the safety of the child). That is, a person realizes the futility of this attitude, but cannot escape, then tries to accept it, but in order to achieve some kind of harmony other than the path of Mother Teresa, it is difficult to find here. Unless, of course, work with a psychologist, and even then not quickly.
It can be a long-standing childish conflict with parents, when the child was bad and the mother threatened him with a finger or was spanked by the father. On sensitive natures, even such an ordinary, seemingly event, under an unfavorable combination of circumstances, can make an indelible impression.
Finally, the mask of a good person can result in a certain amount of additional (secondary) benefits received from this status (or rather, they always exist). It would be more accurate to say the mask is not just a good person, but a good person-sufferer. For example, you can feel sorry for yourself and get unhealthy pleasure from it, you can not develop, you can cause pity in others, you can even drink vodka and sit back. Finally, it is extremely convenient to be a victim.
In general, I wish you to be good or bad or average, but with your own face.
Andrey Petrakov