It would seem that everything is simple and easy. Then why don't we follow it? Because we have something that prevents this.
Personal rights and principles
In my work, I constantly notice that people do not know their rights, they come up with them themselves, moreover turning them against themselves and complicating their life.
There are rights that are the norm for any person.
Manuel Smith, an American psychologist and psychotherapist, made a breakthrough in the issue of human self-esteem, greatly facilitating our life, derived a "formula" for its improvement. He said that every person has the ability not to depend on external influences and assessments, to independently regulate their own behavior and be responsible for it. This behavior is called "assertive". In this he is helped by adherence to principles and rights.
Principles:
Promotional video:
1. Taking responsibility for your own behavior.
2. Demonstration of self-respect (initially, a person must respect himself and carry himself with dignity) and respect for other people.
3. Effective communication, which is based on 3 pillars: honesty, openness, directness.
4. Demonstrating confidence and a positive attitude (this comes from our professionalism in what we do).
5. Ability to listen carefully and understand.
6. Negotiations and reaching a working compromise (meaning not in work, but in working).
Rights:
1. Express feelings.
2. Express opinions and beliefs.
3. Say "yes" or "no".
4. Change your mind.
5. Say "I don't understand."
6. Be yourself and don't adjust to others.
7. Do not take on someone else's responsibility.
8. Ask for something.
9. Set your own priorities.
10. Expect to be listened to and taken seriously.
11. To be wrong.
12. Be illogical when making decisions.
13. To say "I don't care."
It would seem that everything is simple and easy. Then why don't we follow it? Because we have something that prevents this. These are our beliefs - what we believe in. What can you do to change this? Believe the opposite! Fortunately, there are only 10 beliefs that affect self-esteem. All the rest are reduced to 10.
What are these beliefs?
1. I have the right to evaluate my own behavior, thoughts and emotions and be responsible for their consequences. (A negative belief is the one that prevents this - "I should not judge myself and my behavior unceremoniously and independently of others. In fact, it is not me who should evaluate and discuss my personality in all cases, but someone more wise and authoritative").
2. I have the right not to apologize or explain my behavior. (Negative belief - "I am responsible for my behavior to other people, it is desirable that I report to them and explain everything I do, apologize to them for my actions").
3. I have the right to independently consider whether I am responsible at all or to some extent for solving other people's problems. (Negative belief: "I have more obligations to some institutions and people than to myself. It is advisable to sacrifice my own dignity and adapt.")
4. I have the right to change my mind. (Negative belief: "If I have already expressed some point of view, I should never change it. I would have to apologize or admit that I was wrong. That would mean that I am not competent and unable to decide").
5. I have the right to make mistakes and be responsible for my mistakes. (Negative belief: "I am not supposed to be wrong, and if I make any mistake, I should feel guilty. It is desirable that I and my decisions be controlled").
6. I have the right to say, "I don't know." (Negative belief: "It is desirable that I be able to answer any question").
7. I have the right to be independent from the goodwill of others and from their good attitude towards me. (Negative belief: "It is desirable that people treat me well, that they love me, I need them"). Do not forget that they love not for something, but just like that.
8. I have the right to make illogical decisions. (Negative belief: "It is desirable that I observe logic, reason, rationality and validity of everything I do. Only what is logical is reasonable."
9. I have the right to say: "I do not understand you." (Negative belief: “I must be attentive and sensitive to the needs of others, I must“read their minds.”If I don’t, I’m a ruthless ignoramus and no one will love me.
10. I have the right to say, "I am not interested in this." (Negative belief: "I should try to be attentive and emotional about everything that happens in the world. I probably won't succeed, but I should try to achieve it with all my might. Otherwise, I'm callous, indifferent").
What to do next?
Replace negative beliefs with positive ones, focus on them, and watch your life improve.
Usually people have a desire to get permission from the outside for some action:
1. You have found confirmation of your rights from a well-known psychotherapist. The whole psychotherapy community adheres to them.
2. These rights, including what is desirable to believe, are reflected in the constitution.
Now there is double permission and confirmation, which gives confidence to apply this in your life. In my opinion, printing this list and keeping it in front of your eyes will not be superfluous. published by econet.ru
Author: Inna Makarenko