Susan bought her six-year-old son John an iPad when he was in first grade. "I thought, why shouldn't he learn such things?" - she told me during a therapy session. John's school uses digital devices in all of his elementary grades, and the technology teacher raved about the educational benefits of the devices, so Susan wanted to do what was best for her blonde son, who loved to read and play baseball.
She started allowing John to play educational games on his iPad. At some point, he discovered Minecraft, which, according to his technology teacher, was "something like an electronic Lego." Remembering how great it was to play with plastic parts as a child, Susan allowed her son to play Minecraft every day.
At first she was pleased. John looked involved in creative games and explored the game's cube world. She noticed that the game was not like the Lego that she remembered - she did not have to kill animals and find rare minerals to survive and progress to the next level. But John loved to play, and their school even had a Minecraft club, so what could go wrong?
But Susan couldn't help but notice the change in John's behavior. He focused more and more on the game, lost interest in baseball and reading, and refused to do housework. Sometimes, waking up in the morning, he told me that he saw cubes in a dream.
Although it bothered her, she thought her son was just a wild imagination. As his behavior continued to deteriorate, she tried to take the game away from John, but he reacted to this with fits of rage. His seizures were so severe that she gave up and told herself that it was all "for educational purposes."
But one day she realized that something bad had happened.
“I went to his room to visit him. He had to sleep - and I was terribly scared ….
She found him sitting on the bed, wide red eyes, staring into nowhere, and his iPad lay next to him. He seemed to be in a trance. Overwhelmed with panic, Susan tried to shake the baby to get him out of this state. She was in confusion and could not understand how her once healthy and happy boy became so addicted to the game that he introduced himself into a catatonic stupor.
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There is a reason that tech parents are the most suspicious of technology. Steve Jobs was strongly opposed to his children's use of technology. Silicon Valley directors and engineers are sending children to Waldorf's non-tech schools. Google founders Sergey Brin and Larry Page went to non-tech Montessori school, as did Amazon creator Jeff Bezos and Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales.
Many parents feel that the ubiquitous glowing screens have a negative impact on children. We see seizures in response to deprivation of access to devices, loss of concentration while children are not being constantly stimulated by devices. Worse, children become bored, apathetic, and lose interest in everything if they are not “connected”.
In fact, it's even worse.
It is now known that iPads, smartphones and Xboxes are a form of digital drug. Recent studies of brain scans show that they affect the frontal lobe of the cerebral cortex - the dopamine control system responsible for reward, attention, short-term memory - just like cocaine. Technologies like these stimulate the brain so strongly that the body's levels of dopamine, the reward neurotransmitter involved in addiction, rise as much as during sex.
It is because of this addiction effect that Dr. Peter Whybrow, director of the Department of Neuroscience at the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA), calls screens "e-cocaine" and Chinese researchers call them "digital heroin." Dr. Andrew Doan, the head of drug addiction research for the Pentagon and the US Navy - who has researched addiction to computer games - calls games and gadgets “digital pharmacies” (pharmakeia, Greek Φαρμακεία - medicine or drug).
The brain of your child playing Minecraft looks just like the brain on drugs. Not surprisingly, we find it so difficult to pull kids away from screens and kids get so annoyed when their gadget play is interrupted. Hundreds of clinical studies show that gadgets increase depression, hot temper and aggression and can lead to psychotic consequences in which the player loses touch with reality.
In my clinical work with over a thousand teenagers over the past 15 years, I have found that the old axiom “a gram of protection is worth a kilogram of treatment” is especially true in the case of gadget addiction. When a child crosses the line of addiction, it can be very difficult to cure him. I have found that the treatment of heroin and methamphetamine addicts is easier than in the case of lost players in the matrix, or children with social media addiction.
According to a 2013 report from the American Academy of Pediatrics, children ages 8 to 10 spend 8 hours a day with digital media, while teenagers spend 11 hours a day in front of a screen. One in three children used smartphones or tablets before speaking. Dr. Kimberly Young's Internet Addiction Handbook states that 18% of US students who use the Internet suffer from addiction.
When a person crosses the line of addiction - be it drugs, digital technology, or something else - they need to undergo detoxification before any treatment can help. In the case of technology, this means no computers, smartphones, or tablets. Extreme cases include the elimination of televisions. Detoxification is prescribed for four to six weeks; usually this time is enough for the excited nervous system to come to its senses. But in our technology-filled society with ubiquitous screens, this is a daunting task. A person can live without drugs and alcohol; and in the case of tech addiction, digital temptations will be everywhere.
How do you keep children from crossing this line? It is not simple.
The point is to prevent 4-, 5-, or 8-year-olds from getting hooked on gadgets. Lego instead of Minecraft; books instead of iPad; nature and sports instead of TV. If necessary, ask the school to keep children away from tablets or Chromebooks until they are 10 years old (someone recommends 12 years old).
Talk honestly with your kids about why you limit your time with gadgets. Dine with children without electronic devices at the table - just like Steve Jobs had low-tech dinners with his children. Do not succumb to distracted parenting syndrome - children repeat everything after their parents.
When I chat with my 9-year-old twin boys, I honestly explain why I don't want them to have tablets or play video games. I explain that some children are so addicted to playing with their devices that it is difficult for them to stop or control the time they spend with them. I help them understand that if they get overly addicted to screens and minecraft, like some of their friends, other parts of their lives may suffer. They won't want to play baseball, read books, be interested in science and nature, or distance themselves from their friends in the real world. Surprisingly, they don't have to convince them for a long time, they themselves observe the changes that their friends, who are too keen on gadgets, undergo.
Child development psychologists understand that healthy child development includes social interaction, creative play, and interaction with the real world. Unfortunately, an immersive and inviting world slows and retards growth and development.
We also know that children are more likely to run away from reality if they feel lonely, alienated, bored and have no purpose. Therefore, the solution will be to help children gain real life experience and relationships with real people. A child who is creative and close to his family is less likely to want to escape into a fictional digital world. But even if the child has the best support and love, he can fall into the "matrix", carried away by attractive screens and experience their effect on himself. Every tenth person has a predisposition to addiction.
As a result, my client Susan took the tablet away from John, but his recovery was a difficult struggle with a bunch of obstacles and problems.
Four years later, after being supported and strengthened, John felt much better. He learned to use the computer in a healthier way and brought a sense of balance back to his life: he plays on the baseball team and has a few close friends at school. But his mother is still vigilant and positive / proactive about his use of gadgets because, as with other addictions, relapse can sneak up in moments of weakness. To ensure his recovery, he does not have a computer in his bedroom and dinner also goes without gadgets.
Dr. Nicholas Kardaras is the executive director of one of the most prestigious rehabilitation centers, The Dunes East Hampton, and a former clinical professor at Stony Brook Medical Center. His book was recently published: Children of the Light: How Screen Addiction Grips Our Children and How to Break Trance.