In general, I have a very "difficult" attitude to such a science as psychology. “Difficult” is most likely nothing, that is, I don’t think its methods are effective or meaningful specifically for myself. However, psychology is one of those areas where almost everyone feels like an expert - after all, we are talking about something that is familiar to everyone! People love to diagnose and advise friends and co-workers (to look smarter). But as it happens with any science that has come out to the people, over time, many completely absurd statements have taken root in the public consciousness, in which for some reason everyone believes.
For example…
1. If you let off steam, it will immediately feel better
We often hear that "if you always restrain anger, then you can just go crazy!"
Means such as beating special dolls, heart-rending screaming into a pillow or exercises with a punching bag seem to many to be a safe and even useful alternative to telling the tyrant boss everything you think of him.
THE IDEA TO REDUCE Anger ON INANIMATED OBJECTS IS THE BASIS OF MANY PRESENT THERAPIES. And it looks quite reasonable (and safe for a career).
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However, research has shown that all of these methods are completely useless. Taking out anger, even on inanimate objects, does not mean getting rid of anger itself. After such a session, a person has a desire to find a reason to get angry even more. Anger "warms up" itself.
We all develop habits - that's the way we are. When you regularly do something to improve your well-being, then over time the habit will strengthen, and you will need more and more. "Catharsis" (the feeling of liberation, cleansing), which we experience, taking out anger, is addictive no less than everyone else bad habits. Letting off steam to control anger is like controlling alcoholism with vodka.
If you have taught yourself to break dishes or yell into a pillow for any reason, what happens if you get angry, say, during important negotiations, and you don't have a plausible excuse to go out, retire somewhere with a suitable inanimate object and let off steam ?..
2. Just believe in yourself and everything will work out
It is believed that confident children find it easier to learn, make more friends and subsequently grow up more adapted to life in society. "Just believe in yourself!" - parents encourage. More confidence in your own exclusivity, and everything you need for a wonderful life will fall at your feet by itself.
IN PRACTICALLY EVERY HOLLYWOOD FILM FROM THE LIFE OF SCHOOL CHILDREN, YOU WILL FIND CONFIRMATION OF THIS THEORY. Fat outcasts, accustomed to constant mockery, as a result of some event gain self-confidence - usually before an important school event. Classmates notice the radical changes that have taken place, the hero suddenly reveals a mass of dormant talents, and he instantly becomes the star of the entire school.
This idea is the basis of countless trainings and books like "How to Succeed in Life". In each of them you can find the statement that self-confidence is the universal key to solving all problems and troubles.
Here we are dealing with one of those cases when people get confused in cause-and-effect relationships. Instead of saying “self-confident children live much better because they study well and have many friends”, these “psychologists”, having reversed the effect and cause, try to instill in us the idea that “success comes to those who are confident in themselves . That is, you are invited to feel successful practically from scratch, and then, in theory, the real reasons for such self-awareness should also tighten up.
However, according to science, in reality everything is completely different. An overly inflated conceit of a child only leads to the fact that he becomes aggressive at any signs of non-recognition of his superiority. And most likely, he is often severely disappointed, since events in real life do not always develop according to the ideal scenario (while the unpopular fat man, by the way, has long been immune to this kind of disappointment).
We, of course, are not experts, but it seems to us that it would be better to teach children what really leads to success - how to communicate constructively with other people, for example, or overcome difficulties. Wouldn't it be better to let kids really succeed and naturally feel like they're worth something?
3. Advertising is full of secret signals that affect your subconscious mind and manipulate your behavior
For several decades now, this myth has regularly surfaced, and each time in a new form. In the 1980s, there was a popular idea of secret signals and images (always ominous) in rock music, which could be detected, for example, by scrolling the song in the opposite direction. It was assumed that such music, even with ordinary listening, has a detrimental effect on the subconscious of adolescents.
THERE WERE MORE POPULAR STORIES ABOUT THE SPECIAL TECHNOLOGY OF CREATING ADVERTISING ROLLS, where certain frames flashed so quickly that it was impossible to consciously notice them ("25th frame"). These shots were designed for subconscious perception and after watching them, you, without realizing it, carried out the commands of the insidious advertisers.
Today, an idea from the same series has emerged under the name "neurolinguistic programming". It lies in the fact that it is allegedly possible to control other people by deftly and imperceptibly screwing certain words into sentences. This theory is another attempt to create a form of communication that would allow magically bypassing consciousness and manipulating the subconscious, that is, turning the interlocutor into a helpless puppet.
As far as can be judged from the scientific evidence available today, none of the "subconscious mind control" methods work.
No, our brain cannot perceive upside-down messages. Even if you deliberately play the song backwards, most of the "secret messages" that you can pick up will be your imagination. Once upon a time, such a study was conducted: movie theater goers were shown films with shots of ads for Coca-Cola and popcorn, which were elusive on a conscious level. The group conducting the experiment reported an extraordinary increase in the sales of related products following such screenings. However, later it turned out that the research results were falsified.
As for "neuro-linguistic programming" … Imagine that someone really has invented a reliable way to send signals that cannot be seen or heard, turning people into robots, unquestioningly fulfilling someone else's will. Anyone who excelled in this skill would have ruled the whole world long ago, wouldn't he? An army would not be needed to invade a foreign country. What for? You can simply show a news release on local TV channels and order the people to greet the invaders with bread and salt. And since no government on the planet has yet found such a magical way (although many would obviously very much like it), then the method itself can be safely called complete nonsense.
4. Lie detector
What do the hero of a popular TV show, a person accused of murder and a candidate for a high official post have in common? All of them can be tested on a lie detector.
THE TECHNOLOGY, ALLOWING TO SEPARATE THE TRUTH FROM LIES, BEGAN TO USE ABOUT A CENTURY AGO. During this time, the detector was significantly improved and began to be actively used in all kinds of TV shows around the world. Participants are tested on a lie detector and allow themselves to be humiliated in front of an audience of millions in the hope of winning a large sum of money.
The problem of the lie detector is already visible in the name. It implies that the machine somehow knows what the truth looks like and can pick up the slightest signs of inconsistency with it. Of course, a technician cannot do anything like that. It simply measures a series of bodily responses that could mean that the person is not telling the truth.
Scientific experiments have shown that the detector can indeed quite often determine where is true and where is not. But it is still very far from accuracy and reliability. In 2003, this issue was carefully studied by the National Academy of Sciences (USA) and came to the conclusion that a detector can recognize a lie only slightly more accurately than by flipping a coin. And if the error of the machine is so high, then what is the point in it at all?
There are many factors that can affect the accuracy of a test result, ranging from the personality and physical condition of the test taker to the manner in which the operator asks questions and interprets the results. In addition, there are many tricks to trick the technique. So, in a sense, a detector is worse than a thrown
5. High self-esteem is the key to success
We hear from the cradle that people who are not confident in their worth will not achieve anything in life. Fortunately, psychology writers have found a wonderful way to boost self-confidence. We must use self-persuasion, that is, for example, in the morning, repeat joyful slogans in front of the mirror like: "I am an extraordinary person", "I have unlimited potential", "I am capable of more." Perhaps it is better to listen to Canadian psychologists from the University of Waterloo in Ontario, according to which, because of optimistic statements addressed to them, notorious people feel even worse after a minute of euphoria. Mantras like “I feel good! I feel magical! " can cause an internal contradiction: in fact, I do not want anything, and I, at best, average.
The relationship between self-satisfaction and achievements in studies, work or sports is a fact, only it works in the opposite way to what the professional sages from TV, glossy magazines and some training centers would like. This was proved by a cross-cultural experiment involving solving math tests. Asians did the best with it, although they did not perceive themselves as positively as the Americans. It is difficult to disagree with the social psychologist Professor Wilhelmina Wosińska: “It is believed that high self-esteem contributes to the achievement of success. Meanwhile, the opposite is often the case: you need to achieve success in order to form high self-esteem."
6. Complexes contribute to pathologies
Negative self-perception pushes people to aggression and violation of the law, teachers convince self-realization. Nothing of the kind, proves the American sociologist Martin Sanchez-Janowski, who for 10 years observed members of gangster groups. He discovered that most of them were characterized by increased self-esteem, a propensity for bragging and bloated egos. Like Luke Woodham, who killed his mother and two friends at the age of 16. Examination by psychologists ascertained that he had typical narcissistic traits, extraordinary self-confidence and arrogance.
High self-esteem was supposed to be a cure for crime and other pathologies - alcoholism, unemployment, unwanted teenage pregnancies. Meanwhile, it turned out to be the cause of the emergence (or, at least, the intensification) of most ethical and social problems. "Is it important to have a high opinion of yourself?" - reflects the American publicist Dinesh D'Souza (Dinesh D'Souza). "I'm not sure. When I am overwhelmed with a feeling of arrogance, my brain immediately rings a bell, because I know that I will do something stupid.
7. The most important thing is to be true to yourself
The conviction of one's own perfection is not everything. We should accept ourselves completely, that is, even when we do, for example, morally questionable acts. Only then will our life be completely happy, creative and healthy. Norms, prohibitions and laws are not needed, since the source of assessment is within each of us. In Hamlet, Polonius taught Laertes: "Above all: be faithful to yourself." Now we say simply: be yourself! This slogan, according to the philosopher Tadeusz Kotarbiński, can be a call to abandon artificiality in behavior, but it can also mean - follow your inclinations, habits, inclinations, adhere to your own rules, listen to the voice of your own conscience. Here the philosopher advises to be careful, since the drives are bad, the inclinations are perverted, and the conscience is impure.“I studied with the Jesuits,” says Dinesh D'Souza, “and one of my teachers said that 'be yourself' is the worst advice you can give some people. He was right: you shouldn't suggest something like Charles Manson or Hitler."
8. To want is to be able
If we present to the inner gaze of the 100 richest Poles, then soon seven to eight-digit amounts will appear on our accounts. And if we want to be promoted strongly enough, we will soon find ourselves in the director's chair. Sounds absurd, right? However, many people believe that it is enough to imagine a happy event to increase the likelihood of its occurrence in real life. They call this method visualization or the law of attraction (millions only get to those who feel like a rich man at heart).
Shelley Taylor and Lien Pham from the University of California pour a tub of cold water over naive heads. Visualization, they argue, is completely ineffective because we focus more on the result than on the process of achieving a certain state. The researchers took a closer look at the behavior of the students during the session. Some thought mainly of a party at which they would celebrate their exam successes. Thus, they found themselves in a good mood, which was simultaneously accompanied by a decline in educational zeal. Others focused on the difficult steps leading to a goal: the delivery of all items. This, however, did not contribute to a good mood, but inclined to hard work. It is easy to guess who, after a couple of weeks, happily celebrated the end of the school year, and who grieved,because he was kicked out of the university.
9. Write down your goal and you will achieve it
Setting goals is the most common motivational technique used by popular psychology gurus. In textbooks and in training, they like to refer to an experiment that was carried out in 1953 at Yale University. The researchers asked the graduating students to write down what they want to achieve in life - the more accurate, the better. After 20 years, these graduates were found, it turned out that 3% - those who described their goals in detail, achieved much greater material success than the remaining 97%: those who either did not have any plans or could not express them accurately. This is an extraordinary story that really works on the imagination. There is only one problem: there was no such study!
Over-focusing on goals isn't always good, warns Oliver Burkeman, author of Antidote: Happiness for People who Can't Stand Positive Thinking. Companies with obsessive tenacity try to implement the formulated objectives, instead of being flexible to respond to market needs. In turn, employees who focus too much on narrowly defined goals are more likely to behave unethically.
What is wrong if we imagine a woman with whom we would like to grow old together? And if instead of an imaginary brunette with the growth of a basketball player, we fall in love with a short, fragile blonde, perhaps it is better to drop the original ideal and follow the voice of the heart? As John Lennon sang: "Life is what happens to us while we are busy making other plans."
9. Man is the smith of his own happiness
“The less predictable our life is, the more it inclines us to seek our own path, to be the masters of our destiny, to remake ourselves,” writes the Slovenian philosopher Renata Salecl in his book The Tyranny of Choice. The belief of people that everything depends on them looks like involuntary sadism: after all, a person only partially acts as the blacksmith of his own happiness.
Our career and happiness depend on many factors that are completely outside our control. For example, on what years we enter adulthood: during an economic boom or in the wake of the global crisis. Example? In the early 90s, anyone who had at least some command of English could climb the career ladder. Nowadays, a huge number of people with good education and knowledge of several languages sell hamburgers and fries in so-called fast foods.
The illusion of unlimited possibilities turns against us. When we unsuccessfully try to realize dreams of an ideal life, a sense of our own imperfection grows in us. Saletsl tells about a young man who lost his job in an IT company during the Internet crisis. Having received the order to resign, he looked like he was about to burst into tears. But he quickly pulled himself together and asked what exactly he did badly, and what he could do better at the next job. The chief replied to the young man that he was very pleased with him, but the market situation forced him to make cuts. However, the dismissed insistently asked for additional information so that in the future he could "become the best version of himself." Instead of blaming external circumstances, he took full responsibility for himself.
10. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger
Job loss, bankruptcy, divorce - this is a new chance to admire the gurus from the books with advice. In the world of popular psychology, defeat has become the expected ritual of moving to a new level, it is perceived as a lesson without which it is impossible to move forward. But the truth is that only a few are able to get out of the crisis, gaining new strength. Social publicist Barbara Ehrenreich has convincingly argued that schools of positive thinking, which regard any deadlock as something transient and unworthy of attention, have caused the crisis in the global economy. “What does not kill us makes us stronger. Where is the point? " - asks the writer Marcin Szczygielski. Every time he hears about the beneficial effects of disappointment, failure, and injury, he imagines a tree being struck by lightning, stripping it of branches and leaves. Only a lonely rough trunk remains, from which life gradually leaves. “The same thing happens to a person,” writes Shchigelsky. - Each negative experience removes the upper soft, tender and sensitive cover from it … When the number of impulses reaches the last threshold, only the initial core will remain: solid and indifferent, set in motion only by the instinct of self-preservation and the biological desire to survive."
Do you agree that these are just myths?